Ron White

My favorite Ron White Quotes of all time:

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

There was a kid in Detroit a few years ago, shot eight bullets, hit nine people. These cops fired 22 shots, didn’t even hit the fuckin’ Suburban!

I never had much of a vocabulary. In fact, my friend Bob Schnieder would still be alive today if I’d known the difference between “antidote” and “anecdote”. He got bitten by a copperhead, and I’m telling him funny stories out of Reader’s Digest. His head started to swell, I said “This ain’t working”. He goes, “READ FASTER!!”

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty — mine’s putting in an express lane.

They had me do a field sobriety test. That’s where you stand on one foot, raise the other foot six inches off the ground and count to thirty. I made it to “wuh” (loses balance). Is that gonna be close enough?

Their are many more, but I don’t have time.. it’s time to clean up.

Matt